Divorcing? Five Things to Do online NOW

Divorcing? 5 things to do online now

Kim Komando, Special for USA TODAY 7:03 a.m. EDT July 11, 2014

(Photo: shironosov Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Just the other day, I saw a rant from a friend on my Facebook news feed. In seven sentences, she provided complete and painful intimate details about her marriage that ended three weeks ago because of her husband’s betrayal and lies.

My father used to say, “Things that happen in the home stay in the home.” Divorce is tough enough. If you’re feeling anger or rage, I suggest not running to an online public forum to spill your guts. The post never goes away. You never know who might read it and share it.

Since our offline and online lives are so intertwined, here are five things you need to do fast when a divorce is on the horizon.


For many couples, a real sign of trust in their relationship is sharing their passwords with their partner. I think it’s a terrible idea that actually shows a lack of trust, but it turns out I’m in the minority.

A recent Pew study found that 67 percent of couples share at least one online account password, and 27 percent have shared their email password.

That’s fine and dandy until you’re splitting up. At best, you don’t want your “it was mutual” ex prying into your post-marriage personal life; at worst, you don’t want that “crazy” ex stalking you, hijacking your accounts or trying to damage your reputation. It happens.

Go through every online account you have and change your passwords. Make sure you’re doing this on a gadget that’s yours and yours alone. If your soon-to-be ex really is the crazy, jealous type, you might want to skip to number 4 on this list and then come back. It’s super easy to install a spy program on a phone, computer or tablet.

Here’s how to create a strong, unique password[3]. Many people know to change a password but they forget that their partner probably knows the answers to account security questions like where were you born, your first car and the street you grew up on. So, don’t forget to change your security questions as well[4].


That Pew study I mentioned earlier also found that 11 percent of couples have a joint social media profile. I’m betting it’s an even higher number for Netflix and Amazon accounts, and nearly 100 percent for a bank account.

Apple gadget users might be sharing an Apple ID and iCloud account. With a shared iCloud account, your ex-partner can see just about everything you do including your mail, contacts, photos, locations, and what you’re buying, or even make their own purchases.

Before you touch a shared bank account, you’ll want to consult with a lawyer. However, I would close out any other shared accounts, or at least delete any credit card info in them.


Speaking of shared things, you probably share a tablet or computer as well. It could be holding passwords, credit card info, tax returns, browsing history and other things that you don’t want to leave behind.

Transfer anything important to your own separate gadget and then wipe out your personal data and make sure it’s permanently deleted[5].

If you still have to share a computer for any reason, create your own password-protected account[6] to keep your information separate.


If you’ve been living with someone, they probably know your smartphone PIN or password, and have had access to your gadgets. You should immediately change your gadget passwords[7].

For situations where your ex seemed like the jealous type, you should assume that they planted spy apps or a keylogger on your gadgets. If nothing else, you might have set up a tracking system in the past like Apple’s Find My Friends that you need to turn off.

In the case where your ex is spying on your gadgets, they’re going to know any online passwords you change. To be absolutely sure your gadget is clean, you can back up your gadget and then do a full factory reset[8].

On a computer, you can try a keylogger detector[9], or just back up your information and wipe it[10].


I already talked about changing online passwords and splitting up a joint social media account, but even if you’ve always kept a separate private profile, there are things you need to do.

First, decide whether or not to stay friends with your ex. Remember that as a friend they can see everything you post, so it might be good to block them for a time.

Double check your privacy settings[11] to make sure you aren’t sharing anything with the world you don’t want to share. Also, go back through your posting history to take down anything iffy.

Remember that divorce lawyers are checking social media to find advantages in court cases – especially child custody hearings. There have been plenty of divorce settlements or custody decisions made based on one party’s stupid Facebook posts.

Speaking of kids, they’ll probably spend time with both parents. That gives your ex the opportunity to pick up your kid’s phone or hop on to their Facebook account. In other words, anything your kid can see, your ex can see. So, be careful what you share with your kid as well.

On the Kim Komando Show, the nation’s largest weekend radio talk show, Kim takes calls and dispenses advice on today’s digital lifestyle, from smartphones and tablets to online privacy and data hacks. For her daily tips, newsletters and more, visitwww.komando.com[12]. E-mail her at techcomments@usatoday.com[13].

Dayton Ohio Lawyers Representing Both Law Enforcement Officers and Criminal Defendants

At the law offices of Terry W. Posey and Robert L. Caspar, Jr. we are a general practice and represent individuals with all types of problems. What makes us so special? We came out of our comfort zone and became lawyers after retiring as police officers. Our understanding of how the legal system works and the processing of criminals within that system gives us an advantage over other lawyers without this background.

We represent police officers and deputy sheriffs on one hand and, on the other hand, we represent those charged with criminal offenses. This is something we have done since the beginning of our practice.

Is this an anomaly? Others may think so, but it is what we do and is why many of our clients have come to recognize us as their law office of choice.

Our “ready-made” client base has been good to us, and we have represented that base as we would want to be represented. Wanting something better in our practice than the mediocre law practices we had seen, we decided to make our law practice unique, so that we could make a positive difference for our clients.

Law enforcement officers need representation in civil cases, domestic relations issues, departmental hearings, criminal defense, pension rights, union rights and workers compensation cases. Some of this representation (including cases of accused civil rights violations and alleged criminal acts) found its way to the front page of local and national newspapers and has been the opening story on the 6:00pm news in some areas. We have, in the last 25 years, represented more law enforcement officers on these issues than probably any local law firm.

Why do we feel that we are the best law firm to represent police officers? We believe that every individual in a free society is entitled to a vigorous representation. Law enforcement officers, just as every individual, are entitled to the attorney of his or her choice. We have been the law office of choice for literally thousands of police officers over the past 25 years.

Some of our clients have been referred to us by bailiffs, police, sheriffs, as well as others in the criminal justice system. Not only do we represent these individuals, but we also, on many occasions, represent their family members. Most individuals in the criminal justice system know many attorneys, either personally or by reputation, and we are proud that they recommend our law firm as their first choice.

Our law office also represents criminal defendants not connected with law enforcement officers. Some may ask, “How can you represent a criminal defendant when you are representing law enforcement officers?” The simple answer is that charges are brought by the State of Ohio, and the state is a party to the case. The law enforcement officer is only a witness called by the State of Ohio about those charges. We have never found a conflict and consistently adhere to the Disciplinary Rules of Ohio.

The members of our law offices have devoted their time, talent and treasury to the Judicial System of the State of Ohio and of our country and will continue to do so.

All of our attorneys are licensed by the Supreme Court of Ohio and the United States Supreme Court and follow the rules set out by those governing bodies. Our offices are open to all individuals.

The Experienced Family Law Attorney

Family law cases require a special type of attorney to handle them. They usually involve the unhappy conclusion to a long-term relationship. The personal matters of divorce, spousal support, child support and child custody require an understanding lawyer who is also an experienced negotiator and in some cases, an experienced litigator.

When two people can no longer live together as husband and wife in marriage, it takes the skill and know-how of an experienced Ohio divorce lawyer to handle the case. The terms of separation are just the beginning. Filing the proper paperwork and following the required guidelines is crucial to being legally divorced in the Ohio. It is important to have a lawyer that is well-versed in divorce matters who can negotiate a fair division of assets, including marital property and debts. While some couples want a quick and easy resolution, others spend as much time and energy arguing about their divorce as humanly possible. The sooner both parties find closure, the sooner they can both move on with their lives. A skilled Ohio divorce attorney can help the process move along as swiftly and smoothly as possible, regardless of the circumstances.

Child Custody
One of the most difficult things about a relationship ending is that children are often caught in the middle. It is difficult to determine fair custody, because most parent feel as if they can never spend enough time with their children. Not all domestic situations are ideal for children, and may require one parent to handle the child(ren) the majority of time. Some living arrangements take a great deal of negotiating and maneuvering over logistics before a child custody situation that works reasonably well for everyone involved can be reached.

Child Support and Spousal Support
It is always easier for several people to survive financially under one roof than in two separate households. Finding the right balance under the Ohio child support and spousal support laws, combined with the agreement of both parties as to which expenses are necessary and reasonable, can be very difficult. It takes a savvy and knowledgeable Ohio child support attorney to help the parties reach a satisfactory plan. The rights of both parents and the children should be considered. The financial guidelines suggested by the law may set some parameters, but each case must be carefully considered and worked out by the legal teams handling the case. The best lawyer is one that will fight for their clients’ rights while trying to help establish a plan that is fair to all parties.

Attorney Terry W. Posey has the experience, drive and knowledge to successfully guide clients through the divorce process.  He is compassionate and caring.  His experience as a police officer who has seen every type of abuse, and his 25 years as a family law attorney give him the skill set to represent clients of all backgrounds, from those with literally no assets to those with multi-million dollar estates and from clients with no children to custody cases of the most anguished and severe type.  Call for a consultation to discuss your case.

Public Employment and Drug Testing

In 2007 a Dayton Firefighter, acting under the Labor Agreement with the City of Dayton and his Union, submitted to a random drug test and allegedly tested positive. He attended a training course and went back to work. Several months later, he was called in and required to submit to a drug test and again allegedly tested positive. I use the term “allegedly” because neither my client nor I (nor any Board or Court) ever saw competent, admissible evidence that the urine was properly tested or any results interpreted.

His counsel entered a Plea of No Contest and he was terminated from his employment after 15 years of honorable and heroic service.

I was retained and appealed his case to the Dayton Civil Service Board, a three member panel of citizens charged with hearing employment issues for the City of Dayton. Their duty is to keep politics out of hiring at City Hall. They have a number of rules, including an evidentiary rule that requires evidence introduced at hearings to comply with the Rules of Evidence in Ohio Courts.

The City Attorney did not call the testing laboratory chemist who tested the urine, nor the doctor who interpreted the results as required by law. Two Human Resource employees who received the report testified as to what they thought the firefighter’s file revealed.

Some years ago, a local County Prosecutor and I travelled to New York City to take depositions in a testing laboratory in a drug case. I found the most deplorable conditions imaginable. Body fluids were not refrigerated, evidence tags were missing or torn, and employees were untrained.

Cross-examination of chemists in drug testing cases is absolutely mandatory.

The Civil Service Board unfortunately overruled my vehement objections and admitted the only evidence presented that this firefighter had violated a substance abuse policy—these flawed, unsubstantiated test results.

Unfortunately for the firefighter, this case wound slowly through the courts. We appealed the case to the Montgomery County Common Pleas Court, who upheld the termination.

The Second District Court of Appeals in July of 2011 overturned the lower court, agreed that this was merely hearsay and ordered the Court to return him to work. The City of Dayton Law Department unfortunately appealed the case to the Ohio Supreme Court, who agreed to hear the case.

After hearing oral arguments, the Supreme Court of Ohio decided on June 13, 2012 that they had improvidently accepted the case and returned the case to the Montgomery County Common Pleas Court to order the Firefighter’s reinstatement. The Civil Service Board complied with the Order.

On August 20, 2012, the Firefighter was returned to duty.

Employment issues, especially in public employment cases, are involved and require experienced attorneys.

Attorneys Terry W. Posey and Robert L. Caspar, Jr. have litigated literally hundreds of Civil Service/public employment cases.  Continued public employment for any employee is so serious that to enter a hearing of possible long-term consequences without an attorney is foolish.  We have seen employees enter a hearing with the belief that he/she would explain the facts and the employer would treat him/her fairly.  Such situations are sad.  Employers often have their own problems/agendas – public criticism, elected officials outside pressure and personal vendettas.  Call us for a free no-obligation meeting.

Photo Traffic Enforcement in the City of Dayton

Below is a press release from the City of Dayton that is currently on their website.  I recently defended a City Employee who had been given three “civil citations” and was terminated from her employment.  This employee, a 70 year old hard worker, who had been with the City for nearly 38 years had been given an Oral Reprimand in the spring of 2011 and three months later was terminated.  This lady drove about 100 miles per day for over 200 days per year for the last 15 or 20 years.  This termination was in spite of the fact that she had promptly paid the “civil citation” and never advised she would be terminated.

At the Civil Service Hearing, the Dayton police officer charged with administering the photo enforcement program admitted that she received a telephone call complaining about the program about every three minutes during her eight hour shift.  In a City deeply in need of businesses, and with tax paying citizens leaving in droves, this program makes little sense.  It is my belief, and that of many others, that this program has little to do with traffic safety and much to do with millions of dollars in income to the City and to the out of state company that provides the equipment.

UPDATE:  On May 4, 2012 the City Employee described above was reinstated to her employment by a unanimous vote of the Civil Service Board of the City of Dayton.

In the interest of full disclosure, I received a “civil citation” for speeding in Heath Ohio in July of 2009.  I paid the $100 fine.  I have learned that the good citizens of Heath voted to take those cameras down shortly thereafter.  http://wedemandavote.com/Heath/index.html

In cities that have had a vote, it appears most, if not all, have voted to take down the cameras.

Press Release:

In 2003, the City of Dayton installed its first “SafeLight” enforcement cameras to help reduce accidents at key intersections in the City by detecting vehicles running red lights. Today, 20 red light cameras are in use at 10 intersections.  Since the installation of the cameras, traffic accidents at camera-enforced intersections have declined by by 44 percent, with a 26 percent decline Citywide.  (View more safety statistics here.)

To broaden these safety benefits, the City of Dayton has taken steps to use cameras to detect excessive speeders at key locations around the community as well.  (View February 10, 2010 news release  or related PowerPoint presentation for more details.)

Safety Statistics
National statistics indicate that excessive speed is a contributing factor in one-third of all fatal accidents.  According to Crash Data from the Ohio Department of Public Safety, in 2007 there were334,089 crashes in Ohio in which 1,237 people were killed and 83,261 people were injured.  Speed was identified as a contributing factor in 31 percent of the deaths.

Locations with SafeLight (Red Light) Cameras:

        • S. Smithville Rd. @ Patterson Rd.
• W. Third St. @ Edwin C. Moses Blvd.
• Troy St. @ Stanley Ave.
• Stanley Ave. @ Valley St.
• Third St. @ James H. McGee Blvd.
• Gettysburg Ave. @ Cornell Dr.
• Main St. @ Hillcrest Ave.
• US 35 @ Abbey Ave.
• Salem Ave. @ North Ave.
• Salem Ave. @ Hillcrest Ave.

Locations with Speed Enforcement Cameras:

        • S. Smithville Rd. near E. Fourth St.
• S. Smithville Rd. near Marimont
• W. Third St. near Hatfield 
• E. Third St. near Clinton
• Stanley Ave. near Kuntz
• S. Keowee near E. Fourth St.
• N. Keowee St. near Stanley Ave. 
• N. Gettysburgh near Fairbanks and N. Gettysburg @ Cornell Dr.
• US 35 @ Abbey Ave. 
• Salem Ave. near Otterbein

View Video of Your Violation and Pay On-Line

Motorists who receive a citation in the mail from the SafeLight Dayton Photo Enforcement Program for running a red light at one of the City’s SafeLight camera-enforced intersections can view the video of the violation and pay the fine on-line.

To view the video, you must enter the “City Code” (DAY) and the “Citation Notice Number” that appears on your citation form. The video images will only be available to the viewer for 60 days . Clicking on the following link will take you to the website outside of the City of Dayton’s domain: www.photonotice.com

Citation Resolution

No points are imposed against the violator’s driving record under the SafeLight Photo Enforcement Program.

Tthere are three (3) options to resolve the citation:

  • Pay the fine within fifteen (15) days.  You can pay your citation fee online by credit or debit card, or by sending a check by mail as indicated on the citation notice (“Notice of Liability”).
  • Within fifteen (15) days, provide the information of the the person that was actually driving the vehicle, if it was not the registered owner, then mail the notorized “Affidavit” to the adress shown on the citation.
  • Within fiteen (15) days, return the “Hearing Request” to have the dispute scheduled to be heard before a Hearing Officer.

Failure to act on the above options will result in default and a $25.00 late fee will be added to the fine amount.  The responsible party will then receive a “Default Notice.”

If the responsible party does not respond to the “Default Notice,”, the citation will be sent to a collection agency.

If the responsible party chooses to have an administrative hearing to appeal the citation, the $85.00 citation fee must be paid prior to the notice due date.  If the citation is paid, the following will occur:

  • An appeal hearing will be held before a Hearing Officer.
  • If the hearing Officer finds in favor of the City that a violation did occur, the $85.00 will be retained by the City to satisfy the citation amount.
  • If the Hearing Officer finds in favor of the responsible party, the $85.00 citation fee will be refunded.
  • If the responsible party fails to show for the hearing, the $85.00 citation fee will be retained to satisfy the fine amount.

For questions involving camera-enforcement citations or the administrative appeals process, please call Officer Carol Johnson at 937-333-1142 or Officer Dyan Thomas at 937-333-1104. 

Employment issues, especially in public employment cases, are involved and require experienced attorneys.

Attorneys Terry W. Posey and Robert L. Caspar, Jr. have litigated literally hundreds of Civil Service/public employment cases.  Continued public employment for any employee is so serious that to enter a hearing of possible long-term consequences without an attorney is foolish.  We have seen employees enter a hearing with the belief that he/she would explain the facts and the employer would treat him/her fairly.  Such situations are sad.  Employers often have their own problems/agendas – public criticism, elected officials outside pressure and personal vendettas.  Call us for a free no-obligation meeting.


Horizontal Gaze Nystagmus (“the eye test”)

Horizontal Gaze Nystagmus

The Horizontal Gaze Nystagmus (HGN) is commonly known as the “eye test.”  The name of the test can be divided into three parts:  1) Horizontal – the eye travels from side to side. 2) Gaze – to look steadily or intently at something  and 3) Nystagmus – the rhythmic back and forth oscillation of the eyeball that occurs when the eyeball that occurs when there is a disturbance of the inner ear system or the oculomotor of the eye.

Nystagmus is an involuntary motion, meaning the person exhibiting nystagmus cannot control or is even aware of it.

The procedure for the officer to check the possible impaired driver for Nystagmus is outlined below.  It should be noted that some officers perform this test while the driver is still in his vehicle, but this test is invalid because the driver’s head is by definition not straight.

1)             Check for eyeglasses

2)             Verbal instructions to place his hands on his cheeks and to follow his pen or other item without moving his head from side to side.

3)             The officer places his pen directly in front of the driver’s eyes and approximately 12-15 inches away.

4)             The officer should watch the eyes for movement.

5)             In some cases, there will be no Smooth Pursuit of the eyes.

6)             In some cases, there will be distinct and sustained nystagmus at maximum deviation (holding the pen so the driver sees it as far right or left as possible).

7)             In some cases, the officers will observe nystagmus prior to 45 degrees on either side (when 90 degrees is looking straight forward.

8)             The officer will then total the cues.

 Test Interpretation

 The officer should look for three cues of nystagmus in each eye (total of six cues).

1)             The eye cannot follow a moving object smoothly.

2)             Nystagmus (or jerking) is distinct and sustained when the eye is held at maximum deviation for a minimum of four seconds.

3)             Then angle of onset of nystagmus is prior to 45 degrees.

Based on the original research, if the officer observes four or more cues, it is likely that the driver’s Blood alcohol content is above .08.

There are a number of causes of nystagmus that has nothing to do with alcohol.  A complete list can be obtained from the literature but they include influenza, vertigo, epilepsy, measles, muscular dystrophy, brain hemorrhage and the use of PCP.  Additionally, conditions such as hypertension, motion sickness, sunstroke, eyestrain and glaucoma may result in gaze nystagmus.

Positive cues for nystagmus alone may result in evidence for the case but the driver (and officer) should realize that there are many other reasons for nystagmus.

Youtube Video for HGN Test:


DUI – Our Perspective

As former police officers experienced in traffic law and its enforcement, we have a unique perspective while defending impaired drivers.  This document and others should not lead one to believe we encourage impaired driving.   This is to educate the driver about his or her case.

The driver either before or after arrest should note the following.

The observation of the operation of the car, the removal of the driver’s license from a wallet, the smells emanating from a driver’s breath, the condition of the inside of the vehicle, the exiting from the vehicle by the driver, the answering of questions, the field sobriety tests (FST), the answering of standardized questions, and finally the  breath, blood or urine tests all are for one reason:

The collection of evidence for the Detection, Apprehension and Prosecution of a DUI offender.

The driver should realize that all actions by the driver are being observed and recorded and will be used later at trial.  There is nothing asked or done which is unimportant or will not be recorded.  We have seen cases in which the impaired driver argues with the police officer or makes insulting remarks.   Those remarks are recorded and may convince a judge or jury that the driver is impaired, even when there were previously questions about the case against the driver.

What does this tell the driver?  He should refrain from unnecessary conversation that might assist the officer’s case against him.

Various DUI Field Sobriety Tests have been used by officers over the years.  Usually they were unsophisticated, but generally accepted by the Courts.  They included saying the alphabet, picking up coins, and walking a straight line.

In the 1980’s the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) standardized field sobriety tests.  Most police agencies in the Dayton area comply with some or most of the FSTs advanced by NHTSA.

Whatever tests are administered, it should be realized that they are voluntary and not mandatory.  We have urged clients to have a general idea of how much they have had to drink before driving.  If the driver feels impaired to any degree, he should politely refuse to submit to FSTs.  Remember that FSTs are generally to collect evidence for a prosecution and the officer will probably not release you after the FSTs.

You should also realize that if you refuse to submit to the FSTs you will probably be arrested but in most cases, the officer’s mind was made up when he first asked you to step from the car.

Ohio Masonic Home

The Ohio Masonic Home elects new Board Chair

The Board of Trustees of The Ohio Masonic Home (OMH) elected Terry W. Posey as Board Chair effective April 1, 2012.

Elected by unanimous vote, Posey accepted the position and expressed his gratitude for the faith in him to conduct and lead this historic organization. He has served on the parent board of OMH, the Springfield Masonic Community board, the OMH compensation committee and the search committee that brought current Chief Executive Officer Tom Stofac to OMH.

Terry worked on the Dayton police force as a Patrol Officer, Detective, and Police Sergeant from 1968 to 1987, during which time he received the Medal of Valor, the highest honor awarded a living police officer. He is a graduate of the University of Dayton magna cum laude with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Psychology and Criminal Justice and of The Capital University Law School earning a Juris Doctor cum laude. Currently, he is a trial attorney in private practice with the firm of Posey and Caspar of Dayton Ohio.

“We are pleased to have someone with Terry’s experience lead our Parent Board,” said CEO Tom Stofac.  “His heartfelt dedication and commitment to the organization will be instrumental in the future as we continue to partner with seniors across the state of Ohio in an effort to bring them the innovative services and products they need.”

As the Board Chair for The Ohio Masonic Home, Posey will be responsible for the long-term guidance, direction and success of the Board of Trustees.

Since its incorporation in 1890, The Ohio Masonic Home has provided continuous long-term care to residents of the State of Ohio.  The Home serves nearly 750 residents on campuses located in Springfield, Waterville and Medina, Ohio.  The organization also provides home and community- based services in various locations across the state.


Shared Parenting

What is “shared parenting?

Shared parenting is the term Ohio uses for what used to be commonly known as “joint custody.” The court may allocate the parental rights and responsibilities for the care of the children to both parents and issue a shared parenting order requiring the parents to share all or some of the aspects of the physical and legal care of the children in accordance with the approved plan for shared parenting. It does not necessarily mean an equal, 50/50 division of time with the children, child support or any other of the issues dealing with the children.

Many times a parent will want to have shared parenting in order to reduce child support.  In many cases, child support is not affected by a shared parenting order.  A shared parenting order could mean that the parties equally divide the parenting time, but in most cases it does not.

It does mean that they will work together to raise their children.